Bucket Hats and Wobbly Legs

Fun fact: the Pontcysyllte Aqueduct in Wales is the tallest navigable aqueduct in the UK, soaring 126 feet (38m) above the River Dee, and stretching a leg-wobbling 1,007 feet (307m) across the valley on 19 skinny stone arches. Sounds like a relaxing stroll, right?

Well… Leo wasn’t so sure.

You can walk it, paddle it by canoe, or float across in a longboat—but Leo opted for the “if I can’t see it, it’s not scary” approach and yanked his bucket hat down over his eyes like a medieval visor. To be fair, I don’t blame him—it’s basically sky-walking with a handrail.

Still, he was brave, put his head down, and made it all the way across AND BACK with only minimal whimpering (mostly from me). A proper adventurer!

Our Wild Ride!

On our recent adventure to Morecambe, we happened on a funfair and of course Leo wanted to go. We did the ‘House of Fun’ and then he wanted to go on the dodgems, and we had tokens to use, soooo…

Neither of us could have known that the metal plate in the footwell of the side I got into, was a dummy. Neither could we have known that the metal plate in Leo’s footwell, was the actual accelerator. The ride operator was impatient and hurried us into the car to start the ride, so we just climbed in. I would say at this point, Leo has no idea what an accelerator is, and was completely unaware of the power that was about to be bestowed on him. In hindsight, this was never going to end well. There were a mixture of other cars on the circuit, but mostly Dad‘s and young children out for what they thought was going to be the equivalent of a Sunday drive. There was also the boisterous ‘go lightly’ family who were hell bent on bringing death and destruction to not just each other, but anyone in their path. I had a firm grip of the steering wheel as our car suddenly hurtled at full speed, which felt like 80-85mph. I took my foot off the metal plate I thought was the accelerator but still we gathered speed. I turned frantically toward Leo trying to be stoic and calm (so as to not worry him) but he was already terrified and had adopted what could only be described as the ‘brace’ position, with his thumbs in his ears and the remaining fingers clasped tightly over his eyes. There was no penetrating his self inflicted force field so in my terror, I had to try and lean over him to try and physically lift his leg off the accelerator. Bear in mind that I was also trying to steer our way out of danger! Anyway, I was pulling at his tracksuit bottoms and his leg but it was impossible. He was rigid with fear and I think like me, just wanted the ride to end. Can I also add at this point, that it’s so hard trying to give the illusion that everything was under control. Not just to Leo but also onlookers who had me branded as that ‘competitive’ mum with a point to prove. A lot of this is a blur but I remember being on the verge of T-boning another dodgem containing a little blond girl and in taking evasive action, planted Leo and I at full speed into an empty dodgem on the side of the track. I instinctively put one arm out to save Leo which resulted in me flying forward and impaling myself on the steering wheel in dramatic style, winding myself. I may have blacked out for millisecond but I suddenly became aware of Leo trying to get out of our car and run the gauntlet to the other side of the track where we had alighted. I pulled him back in and sat him down and before I could stop him putting his foot down, whoosh…we were off again!!! I can honestly say I have never been more terrified in my life. Just when I thought I couldn’t be in any more pain, we crashed into the barrier and were then slammed from behind by one of the ‘go-lightly’ family. Leo had found his stride by this point, confusing my maniacal screams of terror for joy, and shouted “Again, Mummy! Again!”

I signalled to the ride operator using the international sign for ‘Finish!’ (using the throat slitting action) to which he promptly disabled our car to finally end our ordeal.

I’m still not recovered but I am chuckling about it, mostly because full on laughing hurts! I genuinely think I have broken a rib which may or may not be sticking into my lung, and I may need a knee cap replacement when we return home. The main thing is though, Leo has had a good day and is thankfully injury free. Not sure where we are heading next, but it better not have a funfair. 😂

P.S. I genuinely don’t think Leo has any clue of the part he played in our near downfall. Ignorance really is bliss. 🥰

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