When Life Chooses You
The Story I Thought I’d Live
There are moments in life that catch you completely off guard. You think you know what your story is going to look like. You imagine the chapters ahead, the way they might unfold, the people you’ll share them with. Then life steps in, tears up the script, and hands you a brand new one without warning.
Motherhood, Redefined
When I was pregnant, I had an image of how things might be. A simple, steady kind of motherhood, the kind you see on television adverts where everyone smiles over the breakfast table. But life had a different plan. It gave me Leo. And with him came a lesson that has taken me years to understand.
Raising Leo Alone
Raising Leo alone has been the hardest, most beautiful, most defining thing I have ever done. For a long time I felt like life was happening to me rather than through me. Every decision, every ounce of energy, every heartbeat went into caring for him. Everyone and everything else came second, often without me realising it. I’m not even sure my own name appeared on the list. There were days when I asked, “Why me?” and moments when I felt small and frightened and very much a victim of circumstance. Life doesn’t always unfold as we imagined, and sometimes the best thing you can do is quietly rebuild, protecting the light that remains.
When Everything Changes
But slowly, something shifted.
The Belief That Changed Everything
I have long loved the idea, found in several spiritual traditions, that before we arrive here our children choose us. That they look down from wherever they wait and select the souls best equipped to help them navigate the life they are meant to live. When I first heard that, it stopped me in my tracks. Because if that is true, then Leo didn’t just happen to me. He chose me. He knew exactly what he was doing.
The Lessons Our Children Bring
And maybe it isn’t just about the lessons our children come here to learn, but the ones they bring for us. Lessons we are not even aware of most of the time, yet they quietly shape who we become. Through them, we are stretched, softened, tested, and rebuilt in ways that no one else could ever manage. They show us parts of ourselves we might never have found without them.
Facing Fragility
Last year, after serious surgery, that thought became my lifeline. Facing your own fragility changes everything. It strips away the noise and leaves only what is real. I was rushed back into hospital without warning, and in the chaos of it all I had to make emergency arrangements for Leo. With no family to rely on or support close by, I turned to two friends who knew Leo well. They are kind and decent men, but understandably terrified. Not of Leo himself, but of the enormous responsibility of stepping into my shoes, even temporarily, and of what life with him can look like on paper when his medical needs are laid bare.
Strength in Quiet Moments
But they said yes. They didn’t turn away. They rose to the occasion in a way I will never forget. And in that moment I saw something important. Sometimes strength doesn’t look like roaring courage. Sometimes it looks like quiet acceptance, or a shaky hand that still reaches forward when it could so easily pull away.
Choosing Strength
That’s where I found my strength too. Not in the big gestures or grand plans, but in the decision to stop seeing myself as unlucky and start seeing myself as chosen. Chosen by Leo. Chosen by life itself.
Becoming Boundaried
I’m now in the middle of another transformation. One that isn’t about illness or survival, but about living on purpose. I’m losing weight, yes, and educating myself about the impact of the food we eat, but more than that, I’m shedding the layers of fear and exhaustion that built up over years of putting myself last. I’m learning to set boundaries, to say no when I need to, to treat myself with the same care I’ve always given everyone else. And I’m trying to remember that “no” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t need an apology or an explanation. It’s an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
A New Chapter
This next chapter isn’t about being a victim. It’s about being alive, and If life has taught me anything, it’s that when everything seems uncertain, that’s often when the real story begins.
The Wonky Compass
That belief is what inspired The Wonky Compass. Leo earned that nickname long before Benny came along, when he sat in the seat of my car as a toddler and decided he would “help” by pressing every button he could reach, changing the route of the sat nav and sending us in completely the wrong direction. At the time it felt chaotic, but somewhere along those winding detours I realised the truest journeys aren’t about the route at all. They’re about what happens when you stop fighting the turns and start trusting where life is taking you.
Leo may be my wonky compass, but he has led me exactly where I’m meant to be.
